Is the Blog Life Really for Me?

If I am being honest, I have been contemplating starting a blog for a while now. I love writing. I always have. It is the purpose/topic of my blog that has made me reluctant. I talk about mental health a good bit in person and on my social media, but I keep it to a minimum. I also only share certain aspects of my life. The older I get, the more I realize I want to share my story. Honestly, I think my story deserves to be told. I know there may be people out there who are over me speaking on mental health. Maybe they don't get it, or maybe they just don't want to listen. If that's the case then maybe this website isn't for them, but I know somewhere out there in the world someone needs this. I know this because there were days when I could've used something like this. When you're struggling, most of the time you just want someone to hear you. You want someone to recognize the pain behind the fake smiles, or see the truth behind the forced laughs. More than anything, you want someone to just get it. When you're struggling with a mental illness, the worst feeling that always accompanies it is loneliness.

You see, mental illness does not discriminate. It attacks people of all genders, races, ages, sexual orientations, etc. It chooses many of us, yet it is good at making us feel as if we are alone. I have lived a good portion of my life dealing with that loneliness, and trying to pretend that I was normal. When I was 15, I was diagnosed by my mother with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)- she was able to make a diagnosis because she, too, had OCD along with Bipolar Disorder. At first, it wasn't that bad. I hated being dirty, I washed my hands a lot, and I just stayed very organized. However, over time my symptoms began to worsen. I began counting everything I touched, counting the number of times I did things, I developed severe anxiety, and I started to have intrusive thoughts. When my disorder began to get worse, I started trying to hide some of the things I did. I didn't want people at school or out in public to notice, so I did everything I could to make myself blend in.

Now, to tell my whole story with mental illness is not easily explained in one single blog post. There are aspects of my story that I don't know if I want to share. Not everything is pretty, and there is no way to sugar-coat it either. However, I know if I want to help others I must be honest in what I do share. I hope that those of you who choose to read and follow along with this blog find something in the words that I write. Maybe you will find comfort in knowing you are not alone? Maybe you will learn something new about mental illness? Whatever it is, I just hope it can be beneficial to you.

While my main goal is to inspire others and spread positivity, I would really like to bring awareness to the topic of mental illness. It exist in so many forms, and there are more people struggling than many of us realize. However, it is a topic that is often shied away from. Mental illness can be scary; it often scares the hell out of me. But when you begin to understand what is going on with your brain, it helps lessen that fear. Taking care of your mental health is just as important as you physical health. Your brain is a powerful part of your body, and it can make you believe painful and untruthful thoughts. By understanding mental illness, even if you aren't personally affected by it, can truly help us all.

So stay tuned. Get ready for some stories. And, please, remember to love yourself.

xoxo,

Cays