Reminder: Moments Matter

Have you ever heard that phrase, "it's not about the bad stuff that happens to you, but your reaction to it that matters?"

Yeah, well, back in the day I hated that phrase.

When I was at my worse, I did not care how someone thought I should react. I only cared about what I felt. If I felt like screaming, I did. If I felt like crying and hitting the wall, I did. If I felt like hurting myself, then unfortunately, that is what I did. This past year has taught me a lot about reactions. Believe it or not- the way we react to our situations in life do have a way of influencing what happens to us.

This week has been a rough week. There were multiple aspects that made it terrible, but if there is anything I learned, it is this: we will all have bad days and sometimes bad weeks, but it is the little moments of grace that matter.

This week I was targeted by my apartment complex because I don't pay pet fees (since my dog is an Emotional Support Animal), I hit a car, and my grandma ended up in the hospital.

On Monday of this week, my apartment complex tried to tell me I had fleas in my room. The manager informed me that they were confined to my room; they were nowhere else in the apartment. She also continued on about how "some people" don't take care of their dogs and, needless to say, I left my apartment complex in tears. I was confused as to how my apartment could have fleas because my dog, Maddie, is on flea and tick medication. Also, no other place that we take Maddie has fleas. My parent's house, my fiance's mom's house, and his dad's apartment were all clear of fleas. I was also hurt by her words that made me feel like she believed I was a bad dog mom. I love my dog and anyone who knows me knows that. I became more upset when my fiance said there's a chance they were probably lying to me because I don't pay pet fees. This disturbed and angered me all at the same time. How could people lie just to get money out of you? Even more, why would they target me? Because I have an anxiety disorder? Because I've had depression? I don't pay pet fees because of a law. Did I create that law? No. Am I glad it exist? Yes, because contrary to what some want to believe, ESA's are just as important as Psychiatric Service Dogs. They provide comfort, but they also help in serious times of need. Maddie can sense when I am upset or on the verge of a panic attack. She also knows what I would do if I were to start hurting myself again. She helps protect me from myself, and I know there are other ESA's who do the same for their owners. People should not be discriminated against, or taken advantage of, because there is a law that tries to help them out, a law which states their dog is allowed to live in apartments free of charge because they are providing a service. Before I continue on with a rant about how people shouldn't be discriminated against, I want to move further with making my point. As you can see, my week started off poorly. It continued to get worse with the flea situation because my manager was pretty rude to me. Thankfully, Wednesday showed a silver lining. I checked my room on my own (I hadn't been staying in it for a few weeks) and I saw no sign of fleas. On Thursday, I waited for Terminex to show up, so the guy could show me "proof" of the fleas. He was nice and checked my room; he said he didn't see anything and suggested my room didn't need to be sprayed. I was able to speak with my manager after this and get the situation taken care of. As I went to leave my apartment complex that day, I was feeling good and less stressed, until I accidentally side-swiped a car in the parking deck. The person was not in their car, so I had to leave them a note on an old receipt (it was the only paper I had in my car) apologizing and giving them my name and phone number. I was very thankful when the guy texted my phone telling me not to worry about the scratch I left on his car and that he appreciated me leaving a note. That same day my grandma was sent to the hospital. My parents were informed that she has had a large stroke and possible mini strokes. The good news is that doctors are feeling positive for her recovery, but they are worried about her living alone. My grandma is the most independent person I know, so this will not be an easy adjustment moving forward. All in all, the week had a lot of challenges, but if you will notice there were still good moments.

I believe that these good moments happened and were appreciated because I made the decision to appreciate them. Yes, there were times when I got upset, but I refused to live in those moments. I didn't stay in the darkness like I would have before. I chose to feel what I needed to feel and move on. I chose to recognize that some people are jerks. Some people will do mean things to you whether you deserve it or not, but you have the power to stand up for yourself. I chose to be an honest and decent human being. It was my fault that I hit someone in the parking deck. I was not paying enough attention and I did not swing out far enough when I turned the corner. Sure, I could have left without leaving a note, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. It still happened, and I would have known that. I couldn't live my life with that guilt. I felt like I did the right thing leaving the note, but I felt even better when the guy thanked me for leaving the note. As for my grandma, I am sad about the situation of course, but I recognize this is something I cannot control. This is in God's hands, and I have to put my faith in him. Recognizing that we are not always in control is hard for many people, especially when you have OCD. My whole disorder is about striving for control and suffering from anxiety when I don't. However, I am trying to break down those walls. I am trying to recognize that life will be okay even if I don't feel okay.

Bad things will happen and you may feel down or broken-- don't be afraid to feel those emotions. Feel what you need to feel, but only for so long. Life will knock you down; you have the power to get up and fight back. In our bad days, it sometimes seems like there can be nothing good, but all we have to do is open our eyes. There are good moments in our bad days, and it is those moments that matter. . . because those moments are what reassures our hope.