"Why Are You So Emotional?"

Do you ever feel like you have more emotions than the average human?

I have struggled with what I am feeling my whole life. I can remember this mix of emotions starting when I was a child, even before I knew I had OCD, and it is something I still struggle with now in my twenties. Don't get me wrong, I believe I am the most self-aware I have ever been. I do recognize my emotions--when I am feeling down, feeling positive, or just feeling off. There are these special moments where I feel certain emotions more strongly. I can recollect watching videos of dogs being abused or success stories of people achieving their dreams; I have sat and cried tears of sorrow or of happiness. I have had my heart shatter for people and animals I don't even know. To make it even more "odd," I have done this with fictional characters.

I am an English major and a book-nerd; I love to live in books. There are times when I get so close or connected to a character that I feel such empathy towards them. I have felt exactly what I imagine the characters to be feeling, but I have also missed the characters once I finished reading the story. It is like these characters become such a part of the life inside my brain that I somehow mourn them when I finish the book. I know, you might be thinking this is quite strange, but I can reconnect this back to my real life, too.

As a child, I was fairly independent and a social butterfly. However, I have distinct memories of going on Winter Break and coming back to school in January feeling extremely sad. I would miss my mom, dad, and sister. This still happens to me. In the past two years, I have gone on numerous vacations with my family or my fiance's family. When I come back, I feel such a pain in my chest (almost similar to when you experience a heartbreak); I feel subtle depression and loneliness. It only lasts for a short period, but it makes a huge impact on me each time.

So why do I share this?

I think it is important to share multiple aspects of my feelings on here. This is something I have struggled with for so long. I have often worried that something is wrong with me; I have worried I am "weird" or "not normal" because of this. If there is anything I have learned in the last two years, there are usually people who deal with the same, or similar, struggles. So, I am sharing this for the person who understands. To some, it will seem so little, but to the person who understands, you know how trying these emotions can be. They can be exhausting and draining. They bring harder days and make being alone difficult. They also force you to sink inside yourself and make it hard to communicate what you are feeling--you feel like no one will understand. You recognize it is not "overly" serious, yet the emotions affect you so badly.

Please know, I am here. I understand. You're not alone. We are still normal.

Emotions are always there. In some ways, I think we hold an important role in the world. We are the empathizers and sympathizers. We have the potential to be the peace-weavers in this world, and I think the world could use a few more of those.