Johnny Rockets

I had this very intense moment while sitting in the middle of a Johnny Rockets on the middle of a cruise ship. It was the moment it finally hit me that I was a wife. Jake and I were eating and he began talking about a friend coming over to our house (something random about how he could help him with some work-related learning tasks). In that moment, I began imagining going back home, having friends and company in our house. I began imagining the possibilities of this life together, and I remembered, oh hey, we will be going home after this to live our regular lives. There was comfort and joy and happiness in all of that knowing. I remember wanting to cry (tears of joy, of course) because I felt so blessed to be getting the chance to do life with a man who loves me and makes me laugh. I knew in that moment our lives and our marriage would never be perfect, but that was okay because it would be our life, together.

I look back on the past few years of my life and I know I am one blessed chick. While I was in the process of hating myself and then taking a chance on recovery, Jake stood by my side. He didn't have to, and believe me, there were time when I thought he would leave. I often created arguments and pushed him away in the hopes of softening the blow if he ever did leave. Yet always to my surprise, he stayed--he argued with me, told me what I didn't want to hear, and gave me the tough love I so desperately needed. He put up with every emotional breakdown, every outburst, and every tyrant I went on; he survived it all.

It is honestly hard to remember that part of my life although it wasn't that long ago. The time from 2015 to 2016 was a chaotic experience, and sometimes I find myself forgetting it was real (until I think about it long enough and the memories come flooding back). How a man, or anyone, would choose to stick by my side after seeing the darkest depths inside me, I'll never fully understand that, but I am grateful for it.

Jake has been a help-meet, a friend, a confidant, a shoulder to lean on, and so much more to me over the past six years that I've known him. He's not a perfect individual, but there is something so special in his ability to never give up. When he asked me to marry him, though I was only 20, it was a no-brainer to say, "yes, of course!" And yes, that was my actual response. Jake had been there for me in ways I never knew were possible, and while I knew he had his own faults, I was willing to go through this life trying to better each other each day.

I guess that is why I felt so emotional that day in Johnny Rockets. I know our past. I know what Jake and I have lived through, even if it sometimes feels like a blur. For young people and a young relationship, we've actually experienced and overcome more than most at our age. We've been through hell and back. We've cried together and disliked each other as well as laughed together and loved each other so much it hurt. Jake and I talk about how we never want to do life without each other, and I hope we always get our wish.

Every day I wake up, I try to remember how blessed I am to have someone who's walked through so many paths of life with me and made it where we are today. Life is NOT perfect, but it is GOOD. Life is so so good, and I hope you know your's is and can be too. Your Jake might be something different--maybe a sibling, a childhood friend, a parent, a college roommate, or even yourself. Find the people who support you, who love the good and bad, who want the best for you, and who aren't afraid to tell you the truth. Wake up and try to be better for them AND yourself. I think you'll find it's a life worth living.