Here's the Truth About Recovery and Life With a Mental Illness
I want to be very real with you. Living with a mental illness is not easy. It’s possible, and it can be rewarding (believe me, I never thought I’d say that) if you let it. I would not be who I am today without having lived with OCD, depression, and anxiety. I love who I am, and because of that, I am grateful. I also wouldn’t have this chance to help others, which is one of the best things I’ve been given out of my own chaos: a chance to give back and to share love and kindness. I want to preface this because I am grateful for the life I live. I’m grateful for who I am and where I am. I’m proud of what I’ve overcome, and I am proud to be setting an example of those living life with a mental illness.
But, as there is always an infamous “but,” I never want you to think that it was an easy journey to get to where I am today. If you read other pieces I’ve written, I think you’ll see that, but I know sometimes the message can get lost. We forget the hardships and the process, and only see the end result or the end goal. We think, “I want that. . .now.” The person you see who has achieved said-goal didn’t achieve it right away. Just like I didn’t achieve a happier life, a more positive mindset, or even a better relationship with my mind and body over night.
Instead, I faced a roller-coaster of ups and downs. I constantly “failed,” and I constantly took steps backwards before I managed to move forward again. I would be so happy one second, and then something minuscule would set me off. It would completely ruin the forward-moving momentum I had going, and the hard part was I never quite knew how long it would last. Sometimes I could overcome a bump in the road rather quickly and get back on track right away. Other times, it seemed as though I would have to find an alternate path out of some deep-rooted valley to get myself to better days. Believe me when I say: I cried, I felt pain, my insides ached, I went to war with my myself, and I often questioned my decision to recover.
How is it possible you have to get worse to get better?
It certainly feels that way throughout the process. The number of times I had setbacks. The number of time I had to deal with triggers. The number of times I just wished I was “better” already. It was endless. It was almost infinite.
So how did I possibly survive? How do I keep surviving every day?
I just kept going; I just keep going. It’s really that simple. I live for the good days, and I have learned to welcome the bad ones. I remind myself, “it’s just a bad day, not a bad life.” I’ve learned to accept that I have a mental illness, and I’ve learned to love myself even with a mental illness. I choose—I make the ultimate decision for myself every single day—to see the good in what used to feel like a very bad situation. I’ve decided to stop looking at everything I do as “wrong” or “negative,” and I’ve started thinking about how I could use my life for good. And somehow, I’ve ended up here—writing this message to you.
To make it clear, I’m not healed. I’m not “fixed.” I’m not even recovered. I’m still in recovery; I’ll always be in recovery. Recovery is a journey and a process, and in many ways, it’s a lifestyle for me. I wake up each day, and I choose recovery. I choose to be better than I was yesterday. Some days I fall short, and on those days, I give myself grace. I remind myself that I am not perfect, and God never intended me to be so. He allows for imperfections and he allows for growth—two important aspects I’ve learned to incorporate into my life as well as my vocabulary.
If you find yourself here, reading my words, I hope you’ll read this with an open mind and open eyes. I hope if you are struggling, you can find solace in what I’ve written. I hope you know that you too are capable of recovery—you are capable of love and happiness. More importantly, you deserve it. You deserve a life spent living and thriving. It is simply up to you to choose the path you take in this life, but don’t be afraid to reach out to others when you need a helping hand. I made the decision to heal and recover; I make that decision daily, but I would’ve never made it this far without help from others and seeking out resources.
Resources:
Therapist
Look for a therapist in your area. If you are currently enrolled in college, most schools have a counseling center for students (that’s where I started!). If you’re not enrolled in college, look for a therapist near you who takes your insurance.
Don’t be discouraged if you don’t like the first therapist you see. I recommend seeing them twice (unless the first appointment is absolutely horrible) to make up your mind, but it’s okay to not like the first person you see. Sometimes it takes seeing a couple of people to find the right fit. You want the right fit!
Psychiatrist
If you are diagnosed with a mental illness, you may want to look into medication. You are not weak if you choose to take meds—it’s your body/mind, so you can make the decision that is best for you.
Finding a good psychiatrist is just as important as finding a good therapist, so all of my above statements apply here as well.
I would also suggest researching psychiatrists who specialize in working with patients who have your mental illness. For example, I see a psychiatrist who specializes in helping people who have OCD. I feel more comfortable this way, as it gives the psychiatrist more credibility.
Support Animals
I’m not a licensed professional, but I’ve found amazing benefits in having an Emotional Support Animal. It was recommended by my therapist, but I probably would have gotten a dog either way.
You don’t have to label your animal as a support animal for them to be helpful. You can just adopt a pet. It gives responsibility and purpose into your life as well as adds healthy companionship that many of us seek during times of despair.
Make sure you like animals. Consider the pros and cons. Remember you are taking on a new responsibility and another life, but this can also be very rewarding and beneficial!
