His Love is Good Enough For You, Too

On March 4, 2020, I said to Jesus, "I invite you in."

After years of searching for God,

After years of feeling hopeless,

After years of condemnation,

After years of believing I was a mistake,

After years of so much grief and internal pain,

I finally took initiative and let down my large walls to accept love and kindness in a form I'd never known before.

What a beautiful last year it has been with Jesus residing inside my heart.

Today, it seemed like no coincidence that the pastor spoke about allowing God to meet our every need. At one point, he simply said, "Let God love you." Friend, I will be transparent with you here, letting God love me has not been easy because there are days when I still cannot understand why he would possibly love me. I live with a rebel heart, often ignoring his guidance and chasing the wrong roads. I still rely on myself more than I should and desperately seek control over my own life, when in fact, control has never belonged to me.

When I find those rare still moments, God continues to break down my walls. I feel his presence encompass me like a gentle hug that simply reminds me I am not alone. He tells me to stop-- stop trying to be perfect, stop beating myself up over sins that are already forgiven, stop feeling the need to be "more" to receive God's love. He's extended love, mercy. and grace so freely because that is who he is--the all-knowing God who loves and gives and exists in ways we cannot imagine. His understanding surpasses us along with his care and his ability to be ever-present with the world and his individual children.

The name, Jesus, holds new meaning after all these years, and I feel so honored to have the opportunity to grow with him and get to know him. As an anxious soul, Jesus has become my calm. He quiets my fears, he listens to my confusion, he corrects my ignorance. He teaches me to be the best version of myself. He also teaches me how to extend grace to myself and others. In the moments when I want to hate myself, I learn that gentleness can go a long way. On the days when I'd love to seek revenge, I am taught that forgiveness leads to peace of mind. I find worth in this life simply because God gifted it to me.

If you haven't yet, I hope that you can find this kind of love for yourself. I'm not here to tell anyone how to live or what to believe; I'm here to share the good news. There was a time when I was lost and felt utterly alone. There was a time when I felt empty and hollow, so I indulged in unhealthy behaviors as a distraction. Since March 4 of last year, I no long feel this way. I feel seen; I feel a sense of belongingness; I feel full inside. My soul now boasts with life.

To the person who takes the time to read all the way through, I hope this is your sign today that you are not too much for God to accept, for God to forgive, or for God to love. I spent many years believing I could never be good enough for God when I should've been realizing that he was always more than good enough for me. He is for you, too.

"Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. . .My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge." -Psalm 62:1-2, 7