Let's Talk about [MEN]tal Health

I’ve been trying to figure out how to write this, but I worry I might struggle with the words. So I’ll type slowly and do my best to communicate what I’m trying to say, and hopefully, the people who truly need this message will find it.

November is Men’s Mental Health Month. I’ve seen people taking about it all over social media, which is great! I am so happy we’ve reached a point in the mental health conversation where we’re breaking down more barriers.

But I wonder. . .

How many people currently have men in their lives who refuse to seek help for their mental health?

How many people know a man who fell victim to suicide because he didn’t know how to reach out for help?

How many men are suffering in silence right now?

Stigma is hard. It’s hard to live with, it’s hard to exist around, and some days, it’s hard to overcome. I get it. There are so many stigmas around mental health. Then add gender stereotypes/roles? Even harder. Men are expected to be “strong,” to be able to handle “tough” situations, to not show too many emotions. It’s an impossible standard. Men—like all other human beings—have feelings.

Men grieve.

Men have their feelings hurt.

Men cry.

Men break down.

Men have the potential to be “soft.”

That’s the point of me writing this and the point of having an awareness month—intentionally dedicating time to talk about this crucial issue. Men are suffering due to stigma around literally sharing their feelings. Men are suffering because they're afraid to be seen as weak or vulnerable. Men are suffering because they were taught to put up a wall and only rely on themselves. Men are suffering.

Suicide is considered the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. In 2019 alone, 47,511 Americans died by suicide. There were an estimated 1.38 million attempts that year. The rate of suicide is highest in middle-aged white men, and in 2019, white males accounted for 69.38% of suicide deaths. That same year, it was calculated that men died by suicide 3.63x as often as women (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention).

These are only the statistics that were reported. Were there some missed? Were there people who covered up the true cause of death? Who knows? Stigmas run deep.

What we know for sure is that people are hurting, and males often fall victims to not getting the treatment they deserve. That’s not even accounting for other factors like access to services, financial stability, etc. I’m solely focusing on the issues with the stigma around mental health and the gender expectations planted onto men.

So, what should we do?

My encouragement is this:

1. Check on the men in your life. They might seem okay on the outside, but there’s a likely chance they were taught to never show or share their pain. Let them know it’s okay to speak their truth, that it’s okay to say and feel as they need. Let them know you’re there for them.

2. To the moms of young boys, please please please teach your little boys how to express their emotions, so that when they become men they’ll understand the importance of what these different emotions are trying to teach us as human beings. And hopefully, they will express their emotions to their partner or seek treatment if needed.

3. To the people who were hurt by men who refused to seek help, I see you. I know what it’s like to grow up around men who don’t believe in getting help for their mental health. Whether it be pride, stubbornness, or something else altogether, it’s frustrating for the individual who can see so clearly how therapy and/or other resources might be beneficial. Remember that your job is not to fix them or save them. You can love them and hope the best for them, even if it has to be from afar.

4. And finally, to the men reading this—it’s okay to feel what you need to feel. Take a deep breath and release the lies that society fed you. You don’t have to have it together all the time. It’s okay to be a work in progress. I’m pretty sure most of us—if not all—are, too.

I love you. Take care of yourself.

Website where I found statistics - https://afsp.org/suicide-statistics/

Resources:

*Reach out to someone you trust, like a close friend, family member, spouse, teacher, etc.

*Research therapist in your area, if you are able!

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention - https://afsp.org/

National Alliance for Mental Illnesses (NAMI) - https://nami.org/Home

National Institute for Mental Health - https://www.nimh.nih.gov/

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

You can also text HELP to 741741

"Tomorrow needs you."